NEW YORK—Alarmed at the aisles and seats all but devoid of female commuters, subway masturbator Doug Waters told reporters Wednesday that the Day Without A Woman strike served as a sobering reality check.
CHICAGO—Despite afflicting his father and numerous members of his extended family, local man Josh Mc Calister’s genetic predisposition for heart disease was no match for the 10 half-assed push-ups he does a couple of times a week, sources said Wednesday.
GREAT FALLS, MT—The subtle changes to layout and decor preventing him from feeling totally at home, area man Ethan Kim told reporters Tuesday that he was unnerved by the uncanny alternate universe of local establishment Hickory Pit’s second location.
LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
However, according to Lansing Community College in Lansing, Michigan, if you have a two-year Fire Science Degree, you'll have a large advantage if there's competition for an open position.
Continuing education courses or an advanced degree in fire science or a related field can help you move up the career ladder.
WASHINGTON—Saying the issue was an urgent matter of national security, FBI director James Comey said at a press conference Tuesday that the agency required increased surveillance powers in order to keep pace with the continually evolving threat of presidential administrations.
I also like the work schedule, the ten 24 hour shifts a month, gives me a lot of time to do things with my family kids and wife that a lot of other people can’t do. We go on a lot of calls where we risk people’s lives running across town with our lights and sirens on, we risk our lives doing that just for nothing, most people call fire trucks just for nothing, petty things. But that’s just part of the job, it’s just inherent that way that those kinds of things happen.
DURHAM, NC—Explaining that the global display of female solidarity will ultimately have no impact on the supposed problems it addresses, local man Lawrence Randall, who will participate in a boycott against the upcoming film ‘Avengers: Infinity War,’ told reporters Wednesday that the Day Without A Woman strike won’t accomplish anything.
However, this can be a disadvantage if you're used to working independently and prefer tasks that don't require group interaction.
A post-secondary education isn't required to apply for a position as a firefighter, so it's an appealing profession if you've only completed high school.
MIDLAND, TX—Local firefighter Brent Koonce, who saved an infant trapped at the bottom of a 40-foot well Monday, is being roundly hailed by himself as a hero.
"What I did was incredibly brave," said Koonce, who descended all the way down the three-foot-wide well to recover eight-month-old Midland resident Melissa Sims.